If it doesn't work the first time... Try again?
10:50 a.m. 2009-12-21
*deep breath*

I know nobody reads this stuff anymore, but I'm freaking out, and I don't wanna talk to anyone in particular, I just want to talk. I just want to vent and get my thoughts down and throw in some funny stuff and maybe this will help me get through what I'm going through? Maybe it will at least help me see things clearer once I get em out?

OK, its been six months since I've been engaged, actually six and a week. Craig came home for good Oct 30th, almost 2 months ago. EVERYthing changed! I don't know where the hell I went wrong, but I feel like its all my fault and I'm a fucking failure. I can't keep a relationship strong, and I apparently am incapable of loving somebody, including myself. I'm depressed on and off. I have really good moments, and then I'm in a downfall. Me and craig argue about all kinds of little shit and we clash on just about everything. It wasn't like this until he moved home. So wtf?

We just had a talk last night, and I'm losing it. I've failed again. I feel like he wants to leave me. I mean he never came out and said it, but he said he honestly doesn't know what can help at this point and he just sees things getting worse. I don't know what to do!!

I honestly never saw this coming. And he said the same. Everything was so fuckin perfect before. I don't understand. Was it that he moved in with me? is it just me, and I'm depressed? What?

Yea we've dated in the past, 6 years ago for almost 2 years, and have been on and off until now. When we both decided to say fuck it and let's try again since we both obviously still wanted to be with each other. So why isn't it working?

Is it true that if it didn't work the first time, it won't work the second time?

Or if at first you don't suceed, try, try again?

I just want to be with him. I can't see it any other way. For as long as I can remember, all I wanted was to be with him. And now here I am, were together, and I'm not happy? He's not happy? Why?

then || now